GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN 2013

WASHINGTON, DC –  Shutdown crisis causes U.S. to turn to the alien, P’Lod, for guidance and financial aid.

The United States government will face a catastrophic event of historic proportions, if Congress cannot resolve the budget crisis. Current funding is scheduled to run dry on October 17th  and if the infighting in Congress is not resolved, the system of government that the citizens of the United States have grown accustom to will end, permanently.
Republicans have made a number of proposals to keep the government running, but Democrats have rejected them all.   The U.S. government has to get itself out of the red and avoid a permanent shutdown.  There are grave concerns that members of Congress will be unable to put aside partisan principles and band together to save the United States from immanent doom.
As a safety net, some members of the Congress have called upon P’Lod, the alien who backed Barack Obama in the 2008 and 2012 elections in hopes to find a way to the bring the United States budget under control.
Current Republican planned cuts include blocking federal funding to Obamacare and baring the Pentagon from using tax dollars to sponsor NASCAR race teams.  P’Lod does not have issue with reducing funding to Planned Parenthood but he will not stand for cuts to NASCAR.  P’Lod really loves his NASCAR.

P’Lod has offered to take President Obama up on his offer for the White House, agreeing to pay the full asking price plus closing costs, as a sign of his commitment to aid the U.S. in these trying times.
“P’Lod has always enjoyed his visits to the White House,” said a top White House aide, “He’s really going to enjoy it here, especially the West Wing.”
Based on the great deal of influence that P’Lod had during the past two elections; many conspiracy theorists worry that this purchase is all but a tactical maneuver by P’Lod in order to help him to gain complete control of the U.S. and ultimately the world.
“There are tons of government secrets locked up in the White House, many of which the U.S. government does not even know about,” explained John McElroy, top conspiracy theorist and movie buff, “I’ve seen National Treasure and National Treasure: Book of Secrets. If we let P’Lod get a hold of that information there is no telling what powers and riches he will uncover.”

STUDY PROVES MOST ALIENS ARE DWARFS

Most aliens who visit Earth are dwarfs who stand less than 4 feet tall! So says physicist David Webb.
Dr. Webb analyzed nearly 2,000 close encounters and found that aliens fall into three classes.
“Most numerous are those in the dwarf class,” he said. “Generally, they wear helmets and metallic reflecting suits. Very often they are seen in pairs gathering samples from the ground and trees. They don’t generally communicate with humans.”
The second group is comprised of human-like beings from 5 to 6 feet tall, said Dr. Webb.
“They are seen in groups of three or more and involved in the so-called abduction cases. There is often communication with humans.”
In the final category are the giants that appear to be at least 7 feet tall, he said.
“All of these classes of aliens tend to wear one-piece coveralls or jumpsuits that are tight-fitting all the way down to the hands,” continued Dr. Webb.
“Not too many carry weapons but generally these extraterrestrials tend to control the situation.
“Sometimes a witness is paralyzed by an apparent ray gun device,” he said. “But often he’s just paralyzed without any obvious weapon.”
Dr. Webb found that of the nearly 2,000 cases:

• 26 percent involved aliens seen entering or leaving a UFO.
• 17 percent involved aliens observed in a UFO.
• 17 percent involved an alien near a spacecraft.
• 16 percent involved seeing an alien but not a UFO.
• 10 percent involved witnesses who were actually taken aboard a UFO.
• 7 percent involved an alien seen in the area where UFO sightings have previously occurred.
• 2 percent involved communication with the alien.

The remaining 5 percent don’t fit into any categories.

GOOGLE STREET VIEW REVEALS E.T.

BERKELEY HEIGHTS, NJ – Google Street View users have discovered what appears to be an alien next to a mysterious beam of light!
The image was taken by one of Google Street View’s Camera Cars in Diamond Hill Road, in Berkeley Heights, New Jersey. The object on the left has an undeniable resemblance to that of famous movie alien E.T.

Malcolm Robinson, head of the Strange Phenomena Investigations, said the image was “the first of its kind”.
“On close inspection the similarities with E.T. are obvious but it’s hard to say with any certainty what exactly it is. Of added interest is the strange beam of light to the right, which I cannot explain either.”
“Without further details to go on I’m really stumped. We’d all love it to be alien, but that’s a big assumption.”
Alternate theories are being presented, such as the “beam of light” being merely a glitch in the software, where two images were stitched together improperly.
However alien enthusiasts are enouraged by the fact that only three months ago, police in nearby Morris County were called about a series of unidentified flying objects that appeared. Dozens of citizens watched saw five flickering red lights in the night sky above.
Local resident and pilot Paul Hurley said: “I’ve been in the aviation industry about 20 years, so I knew they weren’t airplanes”.

UFO OVER SAN DIEGO

 

An alien spaceship from Planet Zeeba hovered over San Diego.
The spaceship – identified at first as a UFO – was first seen over Santee, California on May 7th.
The U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials sent  Dr. Susan Begley to Santee to investigate.  ”We gathered evidence from hundreds of eyewitnesses as well as studying numerous photographs and videos,” said Dr. Begley.  ”This is clearly a spaceship from Planet Zeeba. But there is nothing for people in San Diego to worry about.”

Dr. Begley told WWN that aliens from Planet Zeeba have been on Earth since October of 2011 and have come in peace.  ”They are here to try to help humans save their own planet, and to help defend Earth against an attack by the Gootans.”   Aliens from Planet Gootan are reportedly here to take over earth and enslave humans.
Some in government and in the media (as evidence by the video below), are trying to tell people that it was not an alien spaceship, but instead was a commercial aircraft.

“The governments of the world have been covering up the existence of aliens for decades.  They do that so that citizens don’t become panicked.  It’s unfortunate, because the Zeebans have come in peace,” said Dr. Begley.

UFO OVER IRELAND

The United Nations confirmed to WWN that there were UFOs over Ireland.
There were  odd lights over Cork, Ireland over the weekend.  This is the second time in five months that UFOs have been spotted over Ireland.

The bright objects keep materializing in the sky, and move in formation to the left at approximately the same distance between each other.  They slowly seem to fall behind a group of trees, before another group of them appear out of thin air and do the same thing.
Extraterrestrial experts confirmed to WWN that the spaceship formation means that the aliens are from Planet Zeeba.

“This is the common Zeeban formation for alien spaceships,” said Dr. John Malley, the head of the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials.
The Zeebans have reportedly been on (and over) Earth for over two years now.  “They’ve come to help humans on Earth save the planet from natural threats and human threats,” said Dr. Malley.

The Zeebans are categorized as “friendly aliens” and do not want to harm humans.  But there are alien spaceships from Planet Gootan that are also on our planet.  “The Gootans want to destroy humans on Earth, so they can take over the planet,” said Dr. Malley.
Member of the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials are in Ireland, hoping to make contact with the Zeebans.

UFO CRASHES IN RUSSIA

A UFO from Planet Zeeba crashed into Chelyabinsk, Russia last night!  

Russia’s Urals region has been rocked by an explosion in the stratosphere. The impact wave damaged several buildings, and blew out thousands of windows amid frigid winter weather. Hundreds are seeking medical attention for minor injuries.  Thousands of buildings were damaged.

The world press is saying that the crash in Chelyabinsk was connected to asteroid 2012 DA14, but WWN has learned from sources in Russia and at NASA that the crash was in fact a spaceship from Planet Zeeba, which is in another solar system, just outside Jupiter.

The Russian space agency Roskosmos is saying that the object that crashed in the Chelyabinsk region is a meteorite:

“According to preliminary estimates, this space object is of non-technogenic origin and qualifies as a meteorite. It was moving at a low trajectory with a speed of about 30 km/s.”

But a prominent Russian extraterrestrial expert told WWN that the crash was “absolutely an alien spaceship.”  The source went on to tell WWN that the spaceship has been moved to a remote location in Siberia, where it will be examined by scientists from around the world.

Witnesses said the explosion was so loud that it seemed like an earthquake and thunder had struck at the same time, and that there were huge trails of smoke across the sky. Others reported seeing burning objects fall to earth.

The incident in Chelyabinsk bears a strong resemblance to a 1908 Tunguska event in Russia – a there was an exceptionally powerful explosion in Siberia believed to have been caused by an alien spaceship.

The good news is that Planet Zeeba is a friendly planet.  ”The aliens from Zeeba have been circling Earth for the last two years,” said Dr. John Malley of the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials.   “They are here to protect us from the more aggressive aliens from Planet Gootan, who have been quietly invading our planet since 2010, preparing for an attack.”

Dr. Malley and NASA scientists are now in Chelyabinsk, examining the Zeeban ship.  Meanwhile, press around the world keeps pushing the “asteroid story” so that citizens are not alarmed or panicked.  ”But there is no reason for any citizen on Earth to worry, ” said Dr. Malley.  ”This was an accident, and it actually makes me feel good to know that the Zeebans are out there looking out for us.”

Vladimir Putin called leaders around the world early this morning, telling them that he would protect earth from any and all alien invasions.  He declined any military help saying that “Russia is the only country that can properly protect our planet from an alien invasion.”  The Russian Army is ready to go.

Putin was heading to Siberia to examine the Zeeban ship.   President Obama had no comment as he headed to a vacation in West Palm Beach.

ET tracked down on Google Street View

A misty shape, bearing a distinct similarity to the movie alien, was captured behind a bush next to a mysterious beam of light.

The spooky snap was caught by Google image cameras in the town of Berkeley Heights in New Jersey.

Some claim the image could be evidence of life in outer space while others point to a simple trick of the light.

The 'ET' alien was photographed on Diamond Hill Road, a semi-rural location about eight miles from Morristown Municipal Airport, New Jersey and 30 miles from the bright lights of New York City.

Malcolm Robinson, head of the Strange Phenomena Investigations, described the image as "the first of its kind".

He said: "On close inspection the similarities with ET are obvious but it's hard to say with any certainty what exactly it is

"Of added interest is the strange beam of light to the right, which I cannot explain either.

"This picture is the first of its kind, as far as I'm aware, in that it's been captured on Google's new Street View technology.

"However, because it was captured by Google it would appear that there aren't any witnesses to back up what was photographed, which is frustrating.

"Without further details to go on I'm really stumped. We'd all love it to be alien, but that's a big assumption."

Nick Sawyer, one of many web-users to have spotted the alien-like creature, added: "Whatever it is, you cannot deny that it looks exactly like ET.

"The head is an oblong shape and it seems to have the same long neck and fat body.

"There is also a beam of light right next to him, who knows, that might be an unseen spaceship trying to make contact.

"In all seriousness, however, I'm mystified at what it is. The area is not far from an airport and UFOs have been reported to take an interest in our own aviation technology.

"New York City is only an hour's drive as well so you never know, he might be eyeing up a trip to the Big Apple."

Technical experts are also in a muddle over what the image could be, although one told an online chatroom: "When the light shines directly at and between two of the lenses, the software compiling the images together may end up putting up a slicing white laser.

"But I cannot be sure one hundred per cent."

Three months ago, police in nearby Morris County, New Jersey, were alerted to a series of unidentified flying objects hovering over the area.

Dozens of residents watched on in awe as five flickering red lights moved gently across the night's sky.

Local resident Paul Hurley, a pilot who works at Morristown Airport, said: "I've been in the aviation industry about 20 years, so I knew they weren't airplanes".